


Rugged Heart

by orphan_account



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, Slow Burn, Sorry No Kevin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7886473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ghostbusting team learn a bit more about their elusive munitions expert when a personal letter arrives for Holtz at the firehouse one day. Slow burn Holtzbert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When Life Leaves You High & Dry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [45lightyears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/45lightyears/gifts).



> This is my absolute first time at writing Holtzbert, it IS probably going to be a little OOC, I apologize for that, I haven't written anything in well over six years. So please keep that in mind. All mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> For Katrina. You're the best friend a person could ask for :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

“Mail call, ladies!” Patty smiled as she entered the Firehouse AKA Ghostbusters HQ that crisp March morning. It had been almost seven months since the Rowan incident nearly decimated New York City and the Ghostbusters had all fully inhabited the Firehouse, having discovered that while the Mayor would fully fund their research under the rug, their paychecks weren’t exactly a healthy enough stipend to continue living comfortably in the city.

So the ladies had turned the third floor into a suitable apartment-like living quarters with four bedrooms, a full bath & laundry unit and a common kitchen area, minus Kevin who upon saving the city, no longer felt like the Ghostbusters “needed” him and so he moved back to Australia with Mike Hat.

Currently, Abby and Erin were sat on the leather sofa in the corner of the first floor reviewing the manuscripts of their latest book that their editor was pushing them to release soon while the “hype” was still going, not that it had decreased in the slightest. Holtz slid down the fire pole at the sound of “mail” from her second floor lab that Patty was still a little miffed about Holtz getting to claim an entire floor for her research. Holtz made it up to her by finding a ginormous collection of history books and built a beautiful mahogany library bookstand to hold the thick texts in one corner of the firehouse’s first floor.

“Woo! Nothing better than fan mail!” Holtz dashed over and tried to swipe the bag from Patty whom by now, used to Holtz’ antics, held the bag over her head, leaving the much shorter woman to pout and sit before Patty would start handing out the mail to each of them.

Holtz plopped down next to Erin, who scooted a little to make room for the munitions expert, but it didn’t faze Holtz who practically attached herself to Erin’s side regardless and threw an arm around the physicist’s shoulders, smirking when she got her desired effect of a blush brightening Erin’s face and ears. Abby pushed the manuscripts aside as Patty took her own chair across from the team and began passing out small care packages and letters of all shapes and sizes.

Since the near-apocalypse, the Ghostbusters had earned a decent sized fan-base from people all over the country. It seems that no matter how Mayor Bradley tried to squash the truth, people were beginning to believe in ghosts more and more. So it came as no surprise that the ladies were humbled, especially when they would get letters from young girls who had seen them on TV and would often write letters asking to join the team.

Erin had received one letter in particular that she kept in her bedside drawer from a little girl in Arkansas who wanted to study Physics when she got older and be just like Erin. Abby had framed a rather articulate drawing from a young boy in Queens of the four of them busting ghosts in Times Square thanking them for saving his Dad who’d been in the city when it had been attacked. Patty had actually gotten a few letters from potential suitors and Holtzmann both kept and wrote back to each and every person who wrote her or sent a care package that provided a return address.

“One for Abby from Memphis. Yo, if they offer up any BBQ coupons, I want some!” Patty only half-joked. Turns out that Patty was quite the carnivore, they once got invited to a free meal at a joint in Williamsburg and Patty devoured at least three racks on her own. Holtzmann offered up a challenge once in a wing-eating contest that Abby eventually had to cut them off from after Patty and Holtz both nearly incinerated their tongues on the ghost pepper sauce that the restaurant had been famous for.

“Holtzmann, one from upstate, Erin – here’s one from Michigan, I bet it’s another one of Holtz’ ghosts that got released out there…” Holtz snorted at the accusation, remembering Erin’s initial response to Holtz claiming that her original ghost containment unit prototype was sending the apparitions to Michigan, which just so happened to be where Erin’s parents still resided.

_“Michigan? Like – the entire State? Or just a certain part?” Erin had asked after the brief introduction to Dr. Gorin continued into figuring out where Holtz’s ghosts were going._

_“Meh, can’t say. I originally intended for them to go back to Hell, but I think I got the coordinates mixed up… There is a Hell, Michigan, right?”_

Days later, Erin found out that several ghost sightings had been spotted in her own neighborhood and Erin’s parents called and apologized profusely when they got haunted by a C3 and Abby and Erin actually flew in to take care of it, resulting in Erin finally getting their approval and recognition that they had been horrible to not believe their daughter. Erin had yet to figure out how she could thank Holtzmann for this occurrence, even if it was unintentional.

“Here’s another care package for Erin, oh and Holtz, one for you from – Holtzy? Baby, what’s the matter?” Patty paused with a hint of alarm in her voice. Erin and Abby, too paused from perusing the stacks of fan mail to see Holtz having gone a shade paler than her already very milky demeanor, her yellow-tinted glasses now hanging loosely from one ear as she scanned a letter that was tightly gripped in her fingerless-gloved hands.

“Holtz? Is everything all right?” Erin reluctantly reached out to brush her shoulder which was enough to bring Holtz back to the present. The quirky scientist blinked and all three ladies were certain they could see tears stinging the engineer’s baby blues.

“Uhm, I-I think I left a blowtorch on upstairs… I’m just – I’m gonna … yeah – sorry.” Holtz said nothing more and, letter still in hand, bounded up the stairs, taking nearly three at a time and was out of sight within a moment. The other three Ghostbusters left in confusion.

“Should one of us go talk to her?” Erin asked.

“I was just about to ask the same thing, but I think Holtzy would come to us if she really needs us, maybe we should let her have her space… just for a little while?” Patty offered. They turned to Abby, whom having known Holtz longest, usually decided how to handle Holtz whenever she was being weird - er than usual.

“Let’s give her some time,” Abby agreed, solemn. They all went back to sorting the fan mail, but none of them really had the same luster as before, Erin could feel a lead-like weight in her stomach that wouldn’t go away. When a call came in, they called up for Holtz, who just told them to head out without her. Being only a Class III, they agreed and Erin only hoped that Holtz would be okay until they got back.

-GB-


	2. I'll Shut Down The City Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where's Holtz?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to EVERYONE who has been leaving Kudos and commenting, I really appreciate it. Again, this is self-edited so ALL mistakes are my own. Enjoy the ride!

“I swear on Marie Curie’s grave that Ectoplasm is **DEFINITELY** targeting me somehow!” Erin grumbled as she, Abby and Patty returned to the Firehouse a few hours later. The bust had gone almost smooth, until the very end when Patty got trigger happy with her Ghostchipper and Erin got caught in the line of fire of the ectoplasm that shot out of the backend.

“There’s a formula that Holtz and I have been working on, but right now it eats through metal so fair to say, it wouldn’t work on your skin right now, but I promise we’re working on something to make this goo get gone,” Abby shrugged as she hung her proton pack up along with Erin’s.

“If anyone needs me I’ll be in the sanitation chamber,” Erin said, referring to the emergency wash station in Holtz’ lab where they had made the agreement if any goo made it into the upstairs bathroom, said Ghostbuster would be on latrine duty for the next month, the stuff wasn’t just hard to wash out of your hair and skin, it was even more of a bitch to get off of tile! So Holtz offered a solution by allowing anyone who got ectoplasm to just use the emergency wash in her lab that way it would be contained in the private tank where Holtz could study it more and use it to help construct a formula to get rid of the green gunk.

Erin made her way upstairs and was a little surprised that the lights were all off, the only lights remaining were those on the working machines and containment units in the corner of the lab as well as the emergency shower light which remained on 24 hours. Erin decided she’d be better at figuring out where Holtz was after she got cleaned up and stripped down in the shower, tossing her now completely drenched uniform in the burn bin next to the station. She really, really hated ectoplasm.

About three hours of rigorous scrubbing later, Erin headed upstairs, ready to crawl into a comfy pair of sweats and just relax but her hopes were completely taken away when she saw Patty and Abby at the dining room table, Patty was talking loudly on the phone and Abby was texting furiously.

“Hey guys?” Abby glanced up and the small bit of relief that swam in Abby’s eyes soon vanished and Erin feared the worst.

“Holtzmann’s gone. She isn’t answering her phone, either,” Erin felt her heart fall to her feet as she suddenly realized that Patty was yelling at the police on the phone.

“I don’t care how long you say someone has to be missing, our friend is a Ghostbuster! **_Do you know who we are?!_** You – hello? Hello?! That asshole just hung up on me!” Patty snapped and began redialing her phone, completely missing the fact that Erin was standing in nothing but a towel in the middle of their shared living space while Abby continued to try and figure out how to go about finding their friend.

“Was there any note?” Erin asked, finding her voice and walking shakily to the table. Abby shook her head. Erin quickly headed to her room and grabbed the closest pair of clothes she could grab: jeans, a tank top and her M.I.T. sweatshirt and then headed to Holtz’ room right next to hers.

It was rare that anyone venture into the mad scientists’ room, Patty was certain that everything in Holtz’s room could explode if you so much as breathed the wrong way and Abby usually just slid notes under Holtz’ door for her if she needed something and Holtz was asleep; the woman didn’t sleep for more than five hours at a time usually but when she did, it was rare that even an apocalypse in NYC could wake her.

Erin had only been in Holtz’ room once before, it had been a complete accident that she walked into Holtz’ room instead of her own after they had just moved in and luckily Holtz had not been in the room at the time, still tinkering away in her lab, since Erin had mistaken their rooms in her tired state and had fallen asleep in Holtz’ bed, only to be woken hours later with a blanket over her and a sticky note on her forehead from Holtz.

_If you wanted to sleep in my bed, hot stuff, all you had to do was ask ;) Just kidding, take your time waking up, I’ll be in my lab for a few more hours anyway! – Holtzmann._

Erin shook the memory from her head as she recalled how embarrassed she had been waking up in Holtz’ room and had bought the scientist breakfast from her favorite bakery as a means of apology. Holtz easily let it go and didn’t bother bringing it up in front of the other Ghostbusters, a fact for which Erin was grateful, as she was still quite sensitive to the fact that she had found herself in an unlikely friendship/family like situation with these three strange, yet unique, amazing women and didn’t want to ruin that.

She scoured Holtzmann’s room for any sign that the scientist was simply out for a walk. But she spotted Holtzmann’s phone on the floor, the battery dead and a drawer with missing socks in it. Erin took a deep breath.

Don’t panic, Erin… panicking never helps anything – think, if you were Holtzmann, where would you go? Erin could come up with several different places that the scientist loved. Sadly, that didn’t help her case because she knew the first place would be the roof, she turned to head back out of the room when she saw it: crumpled from agitated hands was a two-page handwritten letter, the two-paged letter that had sent Holtzmann off in a tizzy earlier.

“Guys! Look,” Erin came out to the common area, gripping the letter. Abby grabbed for it and began reading it out loud, Patty had given up yelling at the police to file a missing person’s report.

_“Dear Dr. Holtzmann,_

_I know this may come as a shock to you, as it certainly did for me, but I think that it’s best that I start by introducing myself. My name is Claire Elise Daniels, I am 18 years old and I live in Watertown, New York with my adopted parents, Michael and Janine Daniels. The reason I am telling you this is to let you know that I was adopted because like you, my mother gave me up shortly after I was born, my mother whose name was Katherine Berthold, who left a note in my files that she had another daughter: one Jillian Marie Holtzmann, born January 6, 1984 in Sea Cliff, NY._

_I don’t know if you knew her well, or even at all, she passed shortly after I was born and I was only recently allowed to see my files when I turned 18 last June. Shortly after, I witnessed you on the news and I’ve been trying to drum up the courage to write to you ever since. I don’t know if you care or even if you want to see me, but I thought you should at least know that I exist and that if you wanted, I would like to get to know the person who shares my DNA._

_I leave my contact details in the second page of this letter, if you so choose to, I would be happy to meet with you, if not, you may ignore this letter completely and I promise I will not pursue you. Just know that I’ve always hoped to find out that someone like you existed out there, to know that – maybe I don’t have to be completely alone in a world surrounded by other people._

_All the best,  
Claire.”_

“Holy shit,” Patty breathed. Erin sat to keep her knees from buckling. Abby dropped the letter and pulled her glasses off to rub the bridge of her nose.

“Did – did you know?” Erin asked Abby. Abby looked up, flabbergasted.

“No… I – even in all this time I’ve known Holtzmann. I never really asked - I mean here and there we would sometimes talk about ourselves, but most of our conversations always revolved around ghosts and science. Her past never really came up a lot and I respected that she was a private person. I mean, I knew that she was born in Long Island and that she attended Columbia before going to M.I.T. I know that she narrowly missed being accepted into CERN but the rest? I just figured if she really wanted to share she would…”

“Damn, this is quite a bombshell though, I never would have thought Holtzy was a foster kid… I remember growing up we had a few who attended our school, they were always grabbing as much food from the lines as they could, like they didn’t get fed enough and they’d get picked on all the time for wearing clothes that didn’t fit, I really hope she never had it that bad-” Patty shook her head.

Erin felt tears sting the back of her eyes at the image of a young Holtzmann, wearing too big overalls over her too-thin body and two different types of shoes, hair probably wild and a tooth missing from her bright smile. Holtzmann was the light source behind the Ghostbusting team, she was always the one to come up with a snarky comment or a quip to make uncomfortable situations even less so. To think of her in any form of loneliness or pain just hurt her heart.

“We have to find her, guys, I don’t want her to be alone, she shouldn’t be alone right now…” Erin stated.

“I’d love to agree with you, Erin but you have to understand something about Holtz – if she doesn’t wanna be found then she won’t be,” Abby sighed, pushing her glasses back on. “She once disappeared an entire week before Christmas break, no explanation, no notes, nothing, I thought she’d upped and quit but when she came back she acted like everything was normal and wouldn’t talk about it, I searched the entire city and even had posters made.”

“Well, I’m with you, Erin, we have to at least try, she’s right, Holtzy shouldn’t be alone, she’s got us,” Patty said and Erin felt like her heart could beat just a little easier as they formulated a plan of attack. Being the Ghostbusters also helped because now they had the help of the city who knew their faces and could help them find her.

They split up and decided to reconvene at Headquarters by sunrise so Erin took off, ready to search the Upper West side, Patty took Chelsea and Korea Town and Abby headed downtown into Times Square. It was going to be a long night, for sure, but Erin was determined to bring Holtz home.

-GB-


	3. Tell Me What You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Prodigal Genius Is Okay.

Sunrise was vastly approaching and so far Erin had had no luck in finding their blonde engineer. She’d taken to hiring a coachman to ride through Central Park after hours to see if she could find her, and then met up with Patty briefly by the Empire State Building to see if they could find anything together. Patty kept her mind at ease with useless trivia as they scaled all 103 floors with the gracious courtesy from the staff after they claimed to be tracking a ghost they got a call about. But none such luck of a quirky blonde nuclear-engineer in sight.

Erin shot a quick text to Abby and Patty that she needed to rest, there was only so much scouring they could do and the sun was now just cresting over the Hudson.

 **Abby** : _I’m stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge, I’m headed back too, no Holtz here._

 **Patty** : _I’m just gonna retrace my steps back, cover ground and I’ll be back soon._

Erin nodded, despite that they couldn’t see her, and hailed a cab to ride back home.

It was a lot shorter than she expected, but she may have fell asleep once or twice on the ride back. She paid her fare and headed into the Firehouse, quietly making her way upstairs, shucking her sweatshirt along the way.

As she came upon the third floor she felt her legs freeze to their spot at the top of the stairs. There in front of her, hovering over the crumpled letter at the kitchen table with a bottle of water in hand was Holtzmann, she looked a little worse for wear, her hair was certainly more of a rat’s nest than it's natural coif, her soft leather jacket was tied around her waist of clothes she had been wearing yesterday, noticeably shivering and her favorite yellow glasses were missing.

“Jillian?” Erin started, trying not to alarm the blonde, her voice came out hoarse as she tried not to run to the blonde and wrap her in her arms just to be sure she was truly there. Holtzmann looked up, eyes red-rimmed and tired, a weak smile tilting the corner of her mouth up.

“Morning hot stuff,” she tried to wink, but it looked more like the wink of someone who'd suffered a stroke. Erin made what usually took ten steps, into three long strides before wrapping Holtzmann up in her arms, uncaring of her own anxiety about how she felt towards the blonde and just held her, a breath of relief finally escaping her lungs. Holtzmann's hands came up and gripped the back of Erin's right below her shoulder blades and buried her (cold) nose into Erin's neck. 

“You had us all out looking for you, I – _we_ were so worried!” Erin admonished, but she couldn't find it in her to be angry when all she could feel was happiness that their friend was home. Holtzmann shook in her arms, but it began to subside as Erin held her tighter and rubbed small circles along the engineers back.

“’M’sorry--” Holtz mumbled into Erin’s neck. Erin ignored the tingles that shot south at the proximity of Holtz’ mouth to her skin and quietly thought a _‘not now’_ to her traitorous libido as she took the chance to just be relieved that Holtzmann was okay, at least physically.

“You have nothing to apologize for…” Erin started but Holtz shook her head.

“I should have left a note… I should have -” Erin shushed her.

“Holtz, we’re all just glad you’re okay, I need to text Patty and Abby and let them know you’re here, okay? Why don’t you go hop in the shower?” she assumed that Holtzmann hadn’t slept, wherever she went and that she was probably weary down to the bone, despite having a fairly odd Circadian rhythm. 

\----

Abby and Patty were relieved to hear that Holtz was back and let Erin know they’d be home soon and they’d all sleep on it before they tried to figure out how to approach Holtzmann’s letter. 

The night finally caught up to Erin as she listened for Holtzmann's shower to end and headed to her room, leaving her door cracked to be able to hear when the others came back, in case they needed her for something. That and Erin never liked being in enclosed rooms, it always brought back memories of her time spent in therapy where she’d be within four walls and be forced to talk to a man who would only tell her parents that she was a liar and was obviously just looking for attention.

She had just begun nodding off when she heard her door open a little further and before she could comprehend what was happening, she felt her mattress dip. She turned over to see Holtz staring down at her hands in her lap silently, her hair was down and still slightly damp from her shower: a rare sight. Erin always thought she had beautiful curls though and envied them just a little bit as they tumbled down her shoulders.

No words needed, Erin pulled the sheets back and Holtzmann joined Erin under the covers with a small, but grateful smile and turned over so her back was facing Erin’s front. Once again, Erin was too tired to acknowledge that she desperately wished this circumstance was different as she tried to figure out whether she should turn back over or attempt to fall asleep with her arm squished between them awkwardly, she didn’t have to wait a moment longer as Holtz reached back and grabbed Erin’s right arm and pulled it around her waist and linked their fingers together. 

"I don't know if you're okay with this, but I just -" the blonde's voice cracked and Erin tightened the hold around Holtz' waist as she scooted closer, pressing her front to Holtz' back, effectively silencing the engineer as she dared to press a gentle kiss to the base of Holtzmann's neck, ignoring the pounding in her heart that tried to make her believe she heard Holtzmann's breath catch, but soon they both settled down.

Erin kept her nose buried in the damp curls, breathing in Holtzmann’s spicy scent, she had always enjoyed how Holtzmann smelled like patchouli and fresh cut grass after the rain(no idea where that smell came from since they had no grass to speak of except Central Park). It calmed her anxious heart and she smiled briefly as Holtz’s breathing got deeper and soon followed the blonde into a pleasant sleep as the sun rose to greet the day.

-GB-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...
> 
> #1. I am a full-time college student and between constant exams and papers, I write what I can so I apologize for the brief short chapters.
> 
> #2. I edit all my own work at least a day after I write the chapters so I can have fresh eyes and so if I still miss something please feel free to let me know, I encourage it.
> 
> #3. THANK YOU to every one of you lovely people reading, leaving Kudos, Subscribing and commenting, You guys are incredible, I really love you all so much! I hope to keep you entertained!


	4. I Would Do It For You(For You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the letter is discussed...

When Erin awoke it was with a slight panic from her overheating body: Holtzmann had managed to turn in their sleep and wrap herself around the physicist like a koala. Arms and legs tangled together and her nose buried into Erin’s clavicle, her own arm wrapped beneath Holtzmann’s neck and fingers tangled in soft blonde curls, the intimacy behind their sleeping habits she would later blame on her subconscious but for now she took an unsteady breath to try and stop her heart from busting out of her ribcage, uncertain how it had not yet woken Holtzmann. Glancing outside, the sky was gray and rain was actually pattering against the windows so there was no real way to tell what time it was, but Erin could feel her stomach growling and her bladder reminded her of another reason why she’d woken in the first place.

 

As loathe as she was to untangle herself, she really had to pee and could hear Abby in the common area humming softly, the smell of marinara had wafted in faintly from their shared kitchen.

 

“Jillian – Holtz… we have to wake up,” Holtzmann murmured into Erin’s neck, sending a pleasurable shiver down her body and she bit down on her lip _hard_ to not let the moan she desperately wanted to release, out.

 

“Holtzmann, there’s _bisquetti_ ,” Holtz opened a bleary blue eye open at Erin's informal use of how Holtz liked to mispronounce certain foods. It usually grated on Erin's nerves when adults, especially respected scientists like Holtzmann herself, would purposely call things like spaghetti bisquetti("It was how I pronounced it as a youngin' and I never really cared to call it anything else, plus it's my favorite food! So suck it, Alec Trebek!" Holtzmann had said when Erin asked why). Baby blues glowered at Erin sleepily, but not unkind, lying here with Holtz’ curls fanned out behind her and scooped around Erin, she couldn’t help but fight the blush at how truly beautiful the blonde was right after waking. She was certain she'd meet her untimely demise in a few short years if she didn't start learning how to control her heart palpitations.

 

Holtz detangled herself from Erin without a word, rolling over grumbling under her breath about not wanting to but slowly obliged the elder physicist. At one point her thigh came up and brushed against Erin’s center and Erin froze, sucking in a breath, but Holtzmann didn’t notice as she rolled over too far and gracelessly tumbled to the concrete floor.

 

“ _Shit!_ ”

 

“Holtz!”

 

There was a bang in the kitchen before two sets of feet rushed toward Erin’s room and burst in, Abby with a saucy spoon raised above her head ready to strike and Patty laughing at the mess that was Holtz half on the floor, half tangled in Erin’s sheets, Erin sitting up with her hair frazzled, bright red in the face with her hand clutching her chest, despite that she was decent and Abby lowered the spoon, rolling her eyes affectionately.

 

“Oh Hell, I need to get my camera, don't move!” Patty laughed and bolted from the room but Holtzmann found her footing and scooted away from the bed, rubbing at the sleep in her eyes as Abby came and lent a hand to get her off of the floor, Erin still too much in shock to really be of help.

 

“I’m not even gonna ask, dinner’ll be ready soon,” Abby snickered as Holtzmann gave Abby her cursory two finger salute and a wink as Abby left the room and left the door open behind her. Holtz shook her head and cleared her throat, looking over at Erin who was still sitting silently, running a hand through her unruly curls.

 

“Uhm – thanks... For letting me sleep here last night – I really didn’t wanna be alone,” Erin blinked up at Holtz whose cheeks were dusted with pink.

 

“No problem, a-anytime,” she nodded at the engineer who smiled back and let out a breath, heading out of the room with one last wink over her shoulder. Erin waited until her door was shut before she groaned, pulling her legs up to her chest and promptly letting her face fall into them, wrapping her arms around both.

 

“Worst. Crush. _Ever_ ,” Erin whined.

* * *

Dinner was actually a quieter affair than usual, Abby, Patty and Erin all continued to look at one another, wondering who should break the ice first and Holtzmann slurping through her plate of pasta and shoving one garlic knot after the other into her face between mouthfuls, not noticing(or not saying anything) about the elephant in the room.

 

Patty broke first. 

 

“So, I am not gonna beat around the bush any longer, Holtzy,” Patty spoke up and Holtz finished chewing, looking up at the historian and wiping the sauce from her face off with a napkin. 

 

“We read the letter,” Abby chimed in. Holtz swallowed and looked at her plate, taking in a breath, her eyes closing in a defeatist attitude and Erin's heart broke for the scientist.

 

“Holtzy, you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to with us, baby, but just know-” Patty placed her hand on Holtz’ on the table. “We are here; we’re like you said – a _family_. And you can come to us for anything.” Holtz was silent for a long time after this. Even Abby looked uncomfortable breaking the silence and stirred the pasta on her fork mindlessly.

 

“Holtz?" Erin finally spoke. "Do you want to meet her?”  Holtz’ eyes finally looked up from her lap and at Erin, a multitude of emotion flying past them: confusion, doubt, wonder, hope and something else Erin couldn't recognize but then Holtz looked away between the other two Ghostbusters as well.

 

“I don’t know? Yes? What if I’m not what she is expecting? I mean – you guys don't know this but… I-” Holtz sighed and placed her fork down and slid her one hand out from under Patty’s, but not so much as to be rude. Everyone waited on baited breath for Holtz to continue, this time nobody dared to push her further than she was willing.

 

She took a sip of her coke and exhaled.

 

“So, I guess this is where I share a little bit about myself…” Holtz admitted, she kept her eyes downcast and her hands on her knees to keep them from bouncing as she explained. “I was three when my mother gave me up… I don’t really have much to remember her by, I only have this old photograph-” she cleared her throat as her voice cracked. Erin reached out, unable to help herself and took Holtz' hand, the blonde's dimple twitched as though she wanted to smile but continued on, straightening her shoulders.

 

“She had left a note on it saying she’d come back for me, but the months ticked by and then years... the nuns at St. Catherine’s eventually had no other option but to put me in foster care when I was five, I bounced around to a lot of different homes… Six in the first two years. Fosters who were -   _okay._  Schmucks who only wanted to reap the benefits of fostering a kid, but I was always too _weird_ or too _antisocial_ or _sarcastic_ … I was never the kid people wanted to keep for more than a few months.”

 

Erin squeezed Holtz’ hand, hoping to give the woman some form of comfort, Patty also laid a hand on the engineers shoulder and Abby hadn't blinked in nearly two minutes. She felt the lump grow in her throat and she struggled to not cry, but she knew that this wasn’t her place to grieve, this was Holtzmann’s. She had to hold it together.

 

“So, I had been in at least thirteen homes by time I was ten, all over the state. Got saddled with this one family though where the husband owned a computer parts store and had a garage full of junk that he would just bring home and he let me tinker with it sometimes when I'd get too frustrated with his wife who'd try to parade me around as the daughter she wanted but never fit the bill, so to speak." Holtzmann continued, smirking a little bit at a memory that none of them could see but each let out a collective breath of relief that things had begun to look up for the engineer. "I eventually got really into taking things apart and putting them back together, I started reading books on engineering and excelled in my math courses, I was able to graduate high school at 15," all three of the other Ghostbusters’ eyes widened, nobody having known this little tidbit.

 

“I got accepted into Harvard, Yale, even Oxford but I chose to stay close to New York… some part of me I guess still had hopes that my Mom would come back, even though I'd tried and failed already at finding out where she was. So, I went to Columbia where I met and mentored under Dr. Gorin who saw my potential – I guess you could say she became the Mom I never knew.”

 

"What happened to the family you were with?" Patty asked, trying to break the tension a little, Erin was also curious, but was afraid to speak up. Holtzmann shrugged.

 

"Once I had graduated and took off for Columbia, I got myself legally emancipated and never heard from them again. I had all of my things packed into a duffel with me at college anyhow so I never saw a reason to go back, either. Dr. Gorin became my everything, she helped me expand my way of thinking, opened up options for engineering and let my imagination run wild, it was truly the best four years of my life, she helped me apply for M.I.T. which Abby knows I eventually graduated with my Doctorates from - ” Abby nodded with a watery smile. “I was hesitant, I even took a year off from school after I finished my Bachelors and tried to find my mom, especially since I had a few friends who were trained hackers but -” Holtzmann shook her head, her wild curls bouncing.

 

“Dr. Gorin kicked me in the ass enough times to finally make me head for Cambridge and finish up my schooling there. I got offered positions from the government, spent two years in DC working for "the man," I missed my opportunity to work for CERN, Dr. Gorin still hasn't forgiven me for that, but I got tired of politics and left to come back to New York, I had a few odd end jobs before I met Abby and the rest is history.” Holtzmann let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

 

"Now as for the letter, Abby, I love you but please, blink so I know you're still with me," Holtzmann smirked at their hotheaded friend and Abby snorted and took a bite of her now cooled spaghetti, blanching at the taste.

 

"I think dinner is done, let me grab those plates for ya," Patty grabbed everyone's dishes and took them to the sink, grabbing a beer for Holtz from the fridge and a water for herself and Erin. 

 

"It really upset me, to find out about Claire at first... I had to reread the letter a few times to make sure because I'd thought my mom was still alive and that she'd just forgotten - but... it turns out Claire was born around the same time I was finishing high school. She's been here in New York her entire life and I'd no clue - so I ran because I didn't know how to deal with the possibility of somebody- _anybody_ wanting anything to do with me. My entire life before you guys has been just a means to an end for other people," Patty and Abby and Erin all looked ready to argue but Holtzmann silenced them with a shake of her head.

 

“That’s why when I said you three were like my family, I meant it, you all have shown me what it means to really love and be loved, and I’ll always be grateful for that… but Claire, she doesn’t – she doesn’t know who I am… what if – what if I’m not what she expects? What if she thinks the Ghostbusters are just some stupid prank like the media made everyone to believe? That I'm some weirdo or worse?”

 

Holtzmann actually looked up at Erin for this and Erin felt her heart break at the sadness behind her blue eyes, but swallowed the lump down and straightened her shoulders.

 

“Holtzmann… You are being a horrible scientist right now - we can't base anything on "what-if's" ... You have to draw up a conclusion only after you've received the raw data and right now the data tells you, tells us all that Claire reached out to you because she wants to know you – and if or _when_ she meets you, if she cannot see how truly amazing her big sister really is, then -”

 

“Then that’s her damn loss because blood or not, you’re the coolest sister I’ve ever had, Hell, my own sister is a mooch,” Patty interrupted. “Holtz, baby, you may be crazy as a mouse trying to sneak into a cat show, but you have the purest heart I have ever seen in this entire world, and I grew up in the Bronx!”

 

They all had a collective laugh at Patty’s humor but settled quickly. Holtzmann looked from Patty, to Abby to Erin and she turned her hand over and squeezed Erin’s.

 

“Thanks guys,” Holtzmann reached over with her other hand and toasted the others and they all finished their drinks with a much lighter air as Patty regaled them with stories about growing up with five younger siblings, timing her impressions to make Holtz laugh harder after each one.

 

Later that night as Erin finished working on some equation that got stuck in her brain, she headed upstairs after the rest of the station had gone quiet and was faced with a sleepy Holtz standing at her bedroom door.

 

Holtz looked up shyly at Erin.

 

“I didn’t wanna just _DeBarge_  in and wait -” Erin smiled, shaking her head and opened the door and let Holtz follow her in without another word. The two women got themselves comfortable on the bed, but before Erin could turn out the lamp Holtz spoke up.

 

“Would you come with me?”

 

“What?” Erin paused, unsure if she had heard correctly. Looking down at Holtz who was playing with a string from Erin’s blanket, hair askew and once again fanned out behind her on the pillow.

 

“To meet Claire… I just – I don’t think I can go alone.” Holtzmann shuffled under the duvet and seemed to make herself smaller than she already was, pulling at the string and not meeting Erin's eyes.

 

“Holtz,” Erin reached over to touch Holtzmann's shoulder and the blonde slowly rose her gaze to meet hers. “Of course I'll go with you.” Holtz beamed like how she does when a new invention works properly for the first time and Erin smiled behind the breath that got caught in her lungs from the sheer radiance of it.

 

“I’ll send her a text and let her know, it’ll take us a few hours to get to Watertown anyway,” Holtz rambled as Erin reached over and finally switched off the lamp. She turned on her side facing away from Holtz and before long, she could feel Holtz’ hand lay on her waist and stay there. Erin didn't hesitate in grabbing Holtz’ hand like the blonde had the night before, and pulled it around her, surprised that even though the woman was at least a good two inches shorter than her, Erin felt like her body molded perfectly into the blonde’s as they settled in to sleep yet again, neither questioning the quiet intimacy that they shared.

-GB-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story is pretty much complete but I have a LOT of major editing work to do before posting it and I have midterms next week so bare with me I will post hopefully the last of this over the weekend if I get time!


	5. Like A Drum, Baby(Don't Ever Stop Beating)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road Trip!

It had been agreed that it would be smart to have at least two of the team still at the station in case any busts came in so Erin and Holtz would be on their own for a rendezvous while Abby and Patty hung back and held down the fort. So Erin rented a car from the Enterprise down the road, a candy-apple red [2010 Scion iQ](http://st.motortrend.com/uploads/sites/5/2011/07/2012-Scion-iQ-passengers-side-view.jpg) (“Oh my God that thing is so **TINY**!” Patty had laughed. “It’s economical!” Erin argued, ears burning in embarrassment as Holtz snickered while trying to fit her duffel next to Erin's things in the trunk/backseat), locked and loaded up on snacks from the deli down the street, Erin pulled the first duty driving as they headed North on I-81.

 

Holtzmann had immediately begun fiddling with the radio as they passed the City limits and signals would weaken and become static-y time and time again until she just opened her phone and put on a playlist, opening multiple different snacks (“Holtz, open one and then open another once that one is finished!” “But I like mixing and matching!”). With her own phone playing one cheesy 80's jam after the next she took over Erin's phone and downloaded Pokémon GO: (“Ooh! Erin a Snorlax! Pull over!” “We are _not_ pulling over in the middle of a highway to catch some Newginot!” “That’s not a thing-” “I really don’t care.” “But _Erinnnnnn_ -!”) By time they were an hour or so out from their destination Holtz' legs were bouncing the entire car (“Holtz, do you need to use the restroom?” “No” “Okay, then could you please stop bouncing so much?” “No” “ _ **UNGH!**_ ”).

 

They stopped outside Mannsville for a bite to eat and to really stretch their legs, having already driven over four hours. Holtz practically vibrated with pent up energy and Erin refused to let her have another Mountain Dew so she bought her an iced tea instead.

 

“Holtz?” Erin queried for the second time as they were eating subs from a fresh market, really though Erin was eating and Holtz was glancing out the window at the cars passing on the freeway.

 

“Hmm?” Holtz acknowledged her question but did not turn her eyes away from the window.

 

“Do you want to go back?” Erin offered, wondering if Holtz was having second thoughts. Holtz turned to her at that.

 

“Huh?” Holtz' eyebrows furrowed at the physicist.

 

“I just figured - nobody is going to blame you if you need to go back, wait a while...” Holtz shook her head, curls bouncing.

 

“Claire has already waited eighteen years…” stretching her arms and fingers above her head and then settling back into her seat Holtz grabbed her sandwich. “I think I can pull myself together between now and then. I just can't help but be nervous though that she may not like me.” Erin watched as Holtz tore into her sub and said nothing more on the subject. 

 

"She's going to love you, Holtz," Erin stated, matter-of-factly as she looked at the Engineer who had a mouthful of ham and banana peppers, eyes locking behind yellow lenses. Erin didn't have the best track record with comforting others, but she hoped that the seriousness on her face conveyed how honest the statement was. Holtz was amazing, she knew that from the moment they first met, the scientist had intrigued her with her quirky attire and lopsided grin and her confidence rocked Erin to the core. Although she'd initially been a little jealous at Abby having someone else in her life, she'd been happy it was Holtz, the uncanny blonde was truly was a wonderful and charming person, entirely too bright for her own good at times and a little scary when she was playing with a blowtorch, but her heart was pure. Erin believed Patty once when the older woman stated that Holtz didn't seem to have a mean bone in her whole body.

 

“Erin?” Holtz snapped her out of her musings, finally done with her sandwich.

 

“Hmm?” Erin blinked, shaking her head to dispel her thoughts of the very woman speaking to her.

 

“You ready to get this show on the road?” Holtz beamed, finally looking a little bit more at ease. Erin nodded and they cleaned their table up and headed out to the car, ready for the last leg of their journey. Holtz shooting Claire a quick text letting her know where they were.

 

“Hey Erin?"Erin turned as she buckled herself in. "Thanks - for coming with me and all,” Holtz stated, dropping her eyes from Erin's as she reached over the console and grabbed Erin's hand, giving it a soft squeeze and tried not to blush, but failed. Erin nodded, speechless and blushing even more than Holtzmann as she put the car into Drive and headed down the road, 80’s tunes streaming softly from Holtz’ playlist as they rode.  

* * *

 

They arrived at 21 Baker Lane a little over an hour later. Pulling into the driveway of a beautiful two-story Victorian style home, painted a soft yellow with white shutters, two cars parked in the open double-garage, a beautiful green lawn out front and a large front patio leading up to a screened-door.

 

Erin cut the engine as she put the Scion in park and turned to Holtz who seemed to suddenly forget what to do with her hands and nervously drummed them on her knees.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” Erin started gently, resisting the urge to reach out and wrap this insecure woman in her arms. She knew that Holtz needed to be able to do this on her own.

 

The front door opened, Holtzmann's eyes widened behind her glasses and Erin's eyes turned toward the sound as a middle-aged woman with graying auburn hair walked out, blinking in the sunlight in the direction of the car, following not far behind her was a younger woman with long blonde curls pulled back into a loose ponytail and vibrant blue eyes, dressed in a casual, light blue sweater, capris and sneakers stroking a tabby cat in her arms, eyes unmoving from the new car in the drive.

 

“Claire,” Holtz breathed, so quietly that Erin would have missed it had she breathed in that moment.

 

“She looks like you,” Erin noted the girl’s high cheekbones and soft dimples as she smiled to her mother, passing the tabby cat along and crossing her arms over her chest, stepping down the porch and pausing, waiting patiently, Erin could see the girl was torn between running back in the house and/or running at the car.

 

“What do I say to her?” Holtzmann suddenly said, sounding not at all like the confident engineer who worked with dangerous radioactive material on a daily basis. Erin blinked.

 

“You should start by probably just saying ‘Hi,’” Erin smiled at the engineer with all the confidence she could muster. Holtz looked over at her, dumbfounded and didn’t at all catch that Erin was joking but took Erin’s hand again, causing the elder woman to balk in shock and nodded before she turned away and opened the car door. Erin followed suit as Holtzmann stepped out. Holtz froze in front of the car as Erin came around and Erin waited for Holtz to move first but Holtz surprised her again by taking the physicist's hand and Erin hoped that her face wouldn't show the shock as she felt the engineer cling to her hand like it was the only thing keeping her grounded. Erin smiled gently at the blonde and squeezed back and stepped forward first, Holtz following behind a little stiffly.

 

Erin could feel Holtz shaking but it wasn't quite visible so Erin turned her attention away toward their hosts and smiled as brightly as she could, hoping it didn’t look uncomfortable as she reached out her free hand toward Claire to help break the ice.

 

“Hello, I’m -”

 

“Dr. Gilbert,” Claire smiled, finally letting out a breath that caused the young girls' shoulders to fall into a more relaxed stature. She had a gentle voice, like tinkling bells. She accepted Erin's handshake. “Y'all are pretty famous, but I did a little of my own research when I found out about Jillian. Thank you _so_ much for coming.”

 

Holtzmann blinked, not used to being addressed by her first name but she didn't bother to correct Claire as she turned to the woman a second later.

 

“Hi,” Claire beamed.

 

“Hi,” Holtz cleared her throat as it came out a little more gravelly than usual. “Hi, I’m – well, I’m - uhm...” she ran a hand through her curls and shifted nervously. It was unbelievable how much the younger girl reminded Holtz of herself when she looked in a mirror. Despite the genetic markers of blonde curls and blue eyes, Claire also had the nervous tick of tugging on her right ear when she was nervous(AKA right now) and her left dimple was deeper than her right one, she even shared the same bone structure. "It's nice to meet yo-"

 

Claire cut off Holtzmann by stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the scientists’ waist tightly. Holtzmann froze for a moment before returning the embrace and Erin looked away to give them their privacy but Holtz did not let go of her hand so Erin didn't try to break away as the two women hugged and Holtz looked over to Erin gratefully before her eyes closed, Erin pretended not to notice the happy tears she knew were gathering in the scientists' eyes. After a moment Erin's hand was released as they were approached and greeted then by the elder woman, Claire’s “mother” who met them with a smile.

 

“She’s been a nervous wreck all day, bouncing all over the house waiting for you two, thank you for coming,” Mrs. Daniels beamed, reaching to shake Erin's hand. Erin gave a snicker at that, accepting the handshake.

 

" _Mom!_ " Claire whined, ducking her head down as her cheeks brightened a lovely shade of pink and she shoved her hands into her pockets, Erin almost laughed out loud when she saw that Holtzmann had donned the same gesture, digging her hands deep into her overalls and both women scuffed the ground, pink in the face. It really was adorable and she wished she had her camera so she could snap a photo.

 

"Not to worry, Hol- _Jillian_ was just as nervous, her feet were probably going to go through my floorboard if I didn't get us here when we did," Mrs. Daniels let out a deep bellied laugh as Holtz balked at Erin who winked at her friend.

 

"Well then, shall we head in? We'll get your things set up in the guest room," Mrs. Daniels, who later would insist they call her Janine offered. Claire's family had insisted they stay with them instead of renting out a hotel room when they had plenty of room in their house. ( _“It’s really no trouble, this is a small town, we don’t have but maybe two hotels and they aren’t exactly nice like the ones in the city,” Mrs. Daniels told Erin_ ).

 

Holtzmann and Claire began talking, soon chatting a mile a minute with each other about everything from science to art to Holtzmann's career as a Ghostbuster and New York City, it turned out that Claire was going to be starting at NYU in the Fall for a degree in Fine Arts, having a passion for theater and painting and music, she had intended to move out West and start "paying her dues" to make it big but her father had insisted and eventually convinced Claire that she would have a degree first, Holtzmann wholeheartedly agreed and insisted that Claire try to at least finish her Bachelors before she make the decision to move forward with a career, Erin was surprised at Holtzmann being so openly optimistic about Claire getting an education, like - _like an older sister would_ \- Erin mused. So while Claire showed Jillian to her "art" room so the sisters could bond in a bit more private space, Erin helped unpack their things into an empty drawer in the spare bedroom, insisting that she didn't want to intrude on Holtz' time with her sister.

 

"Go on," Erin told her. Holtzmann had been hesitant to leave Erin to her own devices, insisting that Erin hadn't need to come up here just so Holtzmann could ignore her but Erin practically shoved Holtz out of the room with a playful smile: "This is your time, I just want to sort of rest anyway, it was a long drive."

 

It wasn’t unlike her own room back home, it had obviously been used as a bit of a storage keep for certain things that didn’t go in the attic, there were a bit too many old clothes hanging in the closet, one or two extra chairs in the corner as well as some figurine dolls and an old easel that had probably been Claire's once upon a time, but it was well-kept. The full-size bed had fresh washed sheets on it, a thick comforter and two down pillows. As tired as she had originally been, she found herself unable to really sleep when it was a beautiful and bright day outside, figuring she should also be a decent guest, she met Janine downstairs in the kitchen and she introduced her husband, Michael who'd just stepped out from a shower after working out in the backyard for most of the morning. He was much taller than both women and had a stocky build with thinning salt-and-pepper hair and kind brown eyes, he donned a well-loved cotton New York Jets t-shirt and jeans with heavy work boots. 

 

“Our Claire has been in quite the tizzy since she first found out about your friend," Michael stated as Janine served them iced tea. "I'd been hesitant to give her the files but Janine and I agreed that she was an adult and had a right to know about her past."

 

"So you both didn't know about Ho- Jillian?" It was so weird remembering to call her friend by her first name, something that rarely anyone at the firehouse did, out of respect for Holtzmann's wishes, of course. Janine and Michael collectively shook their heads.

 

"When Michael and I adopted Claire we agreed that her files would only be opened by either of us if we needed to know any further medical history that wasn't already given to us by the agency, we didn't want to have any secrets and for a while to be honest I just didn't want to think of Claire as anyone else's but mine," Janine answered with a gentle smile, playing with her necklace, a silver chain that hung loose around her neck with a single amethyst pendant.

 

 

“It was a bit of a shocker for us as well,” Erin agreed, sipping her chamomile. "None of us really knew that Holtzmann had been adopted, we found out only after the letter had come for her."

 

"Well, sometimes things like that are a bit personal and hard to share, Claire loves us, we know she does, but we also know that growing up without knowing about her biological family had left a hole in her heart that neither of us could ever touch, so we were truly happy for her-" "Nervous as well-" Michael interrupted. "When she found out about Jillian."

 

"Did you both ever have another child?" Erin inclined, politely. Janine shook her head, gray eyes trained on her tea.

 

"We had tried for years to have our own child but it had just never been meant to be, so we went ahead and adopted Claire," Michael answered. "We always felt that she was enough for us, although she had been curious growing up, asking us over and over if she could have a baby sister or brother-" Michael chuckled. Janine and Michael shared a look, lovingly and Erin could see how they seemed to speak to one another without words and smiled. "Once after Claire had been at a sleepover with a friend, her friends' mom had let Claire feel their unborn child kick and Claire would sometimes lay her head across Janine's lap, waiting to feel a baby kick." Janine dabbed at her eyes, but laughed at the memory.

 

"We've always tried to give her everything, but another child just had not been in the cards for us," Janine stated, finally meeting Erin's eyes and the physicist understood, nodding knowingly. Growing up in her own home had been a lonely affair: For many years she had wished that her parents would stop being so selfish and give her a baby brother or sister, somebody she could grow up with, somebody who would undoubtedly be her friend for life, someone she could relate to at family holidays and perhaps take her side on arguments with her parents and other kids at school, especially after the "ghost-girl" incident. It wasn't until Erin was much older that she came to understand that her parents had not been able to give her a sibling not because they didn't want to, but because Erin's mother had already had a lot of difficulty when she'd been pregnant with Erin(she'd been 39 when she delivered) and was unable to go through with another pregnancy without risking her own health.

 

“So, how about you and Jillian?” Janine asked kindly. Erin sipped at her tea, blinking away her inner musings and raising a confusing eyebrow at Mrs. Daniels.

 

"I'm sorry?"

 

"Have you two thought of adopting? I imagine that the agencies would be much more open to the idea of LGBT parents now that the laws have changed?" Erin immediately choked on her tea and began spluttering as Janine asked this. She heaved as she tried to get air into her lungs.

 

“Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry, I’m a bit of a curious cat,” Janine offered her a napkin, patting Erin's shoulder and rubbing circles over her back, hovering worriedly. Erin shook her head as she finally began to be able to breathe again, dabbing her face with the proffered napkin, turning red from embarrassment.

 

“Forgive my wife, she sometimes butts into things she shouldn’t-” Michael apologized.

 

“No, no, it’s just – I hadn’t – Holtz and I...” Erin tried to explain, incredibly shocked at how these two practical strangers could see any sort of relationship beyond the two women's friendship. Was she truly  _that_ obvious in her affection toward the engineer? She luckily didn't have long to think however, as the sound of feet came thundering down the stairs and two bright-eyed blondes came bounding into the kitchen, laughing loudly about some joke Holtz had shared with Claire.

 

“Mom, you won't believe this invention Jillian and I just drew up together-” Claire bounded over to them, excitedly, not at all seeing the discomfort on Erin's face. Holtzmann however, was a bit more perceptive.

 

 

“Hey, you ok?” Holtz asked placing a hand on Erin’s shoulder. Erin couldn’t help the blush that spread even further up her neck at the touch. “You want to come see my latest brainiac idea? Claire has a knack for drawing good details that usually are just scribbles for me-”

 

"N-no," Erin coughed, clearing her throat, hoping to dispel her blush. "It's fine, Holtz. Really. I was just enjoying some tea with Mr. and Mrs. Daniels. Go and spend time with your sister," she smiled, truly happy that her friend had found a bond with her half-sister.

 

Holtz beamed and leaned forward, trapping Erin in a tight embrace before letting go kissing Erin sloppily on the cheek before bounding after Janine and Claire back up the stairs, Erin sat frozen to the spot, unaccustomed to the affection she’d just received.

 

“She doesn't know, does she?” Michael asked. Erin turned back in her seat to face the table and Mr. Daniels.

 

“I-I’m sorry? Who doesn’t know what?” Erin asked.

 

"My wife and I had assumed, but I think it's clear that Jillian isn't actually aware of your feelings toward her," Michael offered his perspective with a kind smile.

 

"I-I'm not sure what you mean-" Erin lied but Michael shook his head.

 

"I've been married to Janine for thirty-eight years next month," Michael stated, a glimmer in his soft brown eyes. "And to this day I still look at her the same as the day we first met, like she hung the moon in the sky. When you look at Jillian, I see that same look in your eyes." Erin fumbled with her teacup, not sure how to respond.

 

"She doesn't know though, does she?" Michael asked. Erin shook her head, unable to meet the kind man's eyes. "You should tell her, life's too short to be scared of your feelings, the worst that could happen is that she doesn't feel the same way but if you ask me, I'd tell you that was not the case at all."

 

“I-I-” Erin was certain she may faint from the lack of oxygen her brain was receiving. “We’re not- _I’m_ not…”

 

Janine came back downstairs at that moment, saving Erin from being able to explain just how hard it was for her to come to terms with the idea of Holtzmann having even a shred of romantic inclination toward her. But when she noticed the way Michael smiled up at his wife, like she was the only one in the room he could see in that moment, she wondered whether or not it could be possible for Holtz to ever look at her that way. Did she though? And was she truly that blind to not see it?

 

“Well then, I am going to get dinner on, Erin, would you like to give me a hand with the chicken?” Erin blinked and gazed from Michael who looked back at her with a knowing grin and smiled up at Janine.

 

“I’d love to, thank you, Janine,” she smiled and walked with the older woman to the sink and washed her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for your patience with me, I really am happy that you guys are enjoying this so much. Once again, any and all errors are mine so please let me know in the comments if I missed something in my editing work and enjoy the show! :)


	6. Baby, I'm Not Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Holtz with love. (I wrote this on a whim because you asked for Holtz and Claire's interaction, hope you enjoy!)

Dinner had been a cheerful affair, and coffee/dessert after once again saw Erin taking a seat on the back burner to watch the family interact. Michael and Janine were more than happy to pull out the old baby photos, much to the displeasure of their daughter (" _Seriously_ , Mom?! First at my prom, now with my _sister_?!" "Oh, honey, it's just memories! No need to be embarrassed!" "Well then why don't we just show Jill those photos of **you** as a teenager!").

 

Holtz took this time to sit between Claire and Erin whom, still reeling from the earlier conversation before dinner with the Daniels' had shifted uncomfortably when Holtz sagged against the physicist's side, grinning lazily up at her after her fill of dinner, if she noticed Erin's stiffness then she said nothing. She felt bad about leaving the physicist to deal with Claire's parents on her own while she had spent the afternoon catching up with Claire, she'd been so much more relaxed than she had been in the car once Claire had started talking and they got to discussing art and science and Claire's hopes for the future. They'd yet to breach the topic of their mother or how much Claire even knew about Holtz beyond the Ghostbusters, she figured there'd be time for that before bed, or even tomorrow as she cackled when a photo of Claire was shown to her. The younger blonde couldn't have been older than fourteen, she was joined in the photograph by two other girls around the same age as they all chowed down on chicken wings, the Buffalo Wild Wings staff behind her giving them a grand idea of where they were at least.

 

Claire scrambled to tear the photo from her Dad's hands, practically screeching in abject horror at the photo still existing, let alone being shared with anyone. Erin actually let out a deep, honest laugh at the photo before Claire managed to grab, crumple and shove it down her pants pocket in a red-faced huff. Holtz marveled at Erin's laughter, it was a rare sight to see the usually uptight scientist let loose and just have fun. Since Holtz had first laid eyes on the redhead in her and Abby's old lab at the Institute, when Erin inevitably became apart of the team and Holtz had caught Erin smiling/subtly checking her out when she had danced to DeBarge in their new digs, Holtz' had made it her personal mission from then on to try and make the tightly-wound former Professor break down the walls that she'd so carefully constructed around herself since she was young and make her see just how much better life was when you didn't have to constantly fear what others thought of you. Well that, and Holtz thought that there truly wasn't a more beautiful sight to behold than like right now as Erin clutched her sides and shared a brief story with Claire about her own teenage dramas to help the younger girl feel less embarrassed.

* * *

Eventually the photo album spectacle settled down and Erin, exhausted from the days events excused herself to settle in for the evening. Janine offered to show her how to work the shower as it could be temperamental. Michael settled into his chair and turned the TV on to a sports channel and so Holtz followed Claire upstairs, stopping in her room to grab a change of clothes so she wouldn't have to disturb Erin later and joined the younger blonde in her own bedroom.

 

"Do you think Dr. Gilbert would agree to let you two stay another day?" Claire asked, more like begged after having changed into her own pajamas as she and Holtz lounged on Claire's bed, discussing plans for the next day before Holtz and Erin would have to head back.

 

"As much as I know she would, we both have a commitment to our friends back in the City," Holtz shrugged empathetically.

 

"I feel bad that she has had to deal with my parents all day, but I'm also a little selfish I'll admit, I really was excited to meet you and I was an only child so I have that whole _I must have my way or I'll throw a tantrum over it_ sort of deal," Claire joked, sincere. Holtz snorted very unladylike and shook her head.

 

"Nah, Erin's cool, she knew I wanted to meet you but she also knew I wouldn't be able to do this on my own, I wasn't exactly sure whether I would have made it had I gone alone, probably would still be driving circles around New York trying to talk myself into it," Holtz shrugged. Claire nodded in understanding.

 

"So, uhm - I don't know if I've thanked you enough today. And I'll be sure to thank Dr. Gilbert tomorrow - but thank you... for coming here and seeing me, I've always wondered if I had any real family out there," Claire played with a fraying corner of her duvet.

 

"You have a real family, right here, with the Daniels'-" Holtz clarified but Claire shook her head.

 

"No, I know _that_ and believe me I love them, they're the greatest parents a girl like me could have ever asked for - I mean, you mentioned that you didn't have a family-"

 

"I wasn't that lucky," Holtz agreed, cutting the younger girl off, trying to remember that Claire was young and didn't know much about how lucky she was to have a couple like the Daniels' to take her in. "The Ghostbusters are my family now, Abby, Patty and, Hell, even sweet Kevin, despite that he left and..."

 

"And Dr. Gilbert," Claire finished for her. "She's good for you, Jill, I really like her."

 

"It's - it's not like that," Holtz shook her head, her eyes dropping to the duvet, no longer able to meet the younger blonde's eyes. "Erin and I are just friends."

 

"Well, then she's missing out," Claire smiled, patting Holtz' knee. Holtz snorted.

 

"Please, I just met you today, stop growing so fast!" the sisters laughed boisterously. Eventually they settled again into a (slightly) uncomfortable silence.

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"You just did, but you may ask me another question," Holtz smirked as Claire swatted her arm before hugging her knees to her chest.

 

"Do you remember her? Our mother?" Holtz didn't need the clarification to know that this was the inevitable conversation that they'd been avoiding like an elephant in the room all day already. Holtz sighed, running a hand through her curls.

 

"Nothing substantial," Holtz frowned. Claire nodded, blue eyes shining in curiosity, but she remained silent waiting to see if Holtz would share more. "Most of the time I think I can remember something, but I know that most memories before the age of five tend to be erased by more subconscious learning memory and I was only three when she left."

 

"I wonder sometimes what she looked like - I mean, once someone complimented how I had my mothers' smile but I know that that is scientifically impossible," Claire shrugged. "But in that moment I actually let myself believe that I could have a relative, someone who I could look like, someone who shared my DNA and just that _deeper_ connection, y'know?" Holtz didn't, so she responded with a shrug and unhooked her yellow glasses from one ear, letting them dangle from the other and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath to help her ask her next question.

 

"What all do you know about her?" Holtz asked. Claire smiled sadly.

 

"Only what was in my file, which had nothing from her personally. I had a birth certificate with her listed as my mother and the Agency had notated who she was and found out that she had another child in the system, I guess they didn't bother telling anyone because I didn't know about you until I was 18, I was adopted when I was only 8 months old and my parents had no idea either. I tried to find her once, but nothing came of my searches, it's like she was a ghost-" Holtz chuckled darkly at that.

 

A moment of silence passed and Holtz shook her head warily. She stood and held a finger up for Claire to wait as she left the room. Erin was already in bed and Holtz snuck past, careful to not wake her as she reached in her bag for something and left the room, heading back to Claire. Claire looked up as Holtz reentered the room, holding an outdated Polaroid in her fist.

 

"This was taken shortly after I was born, it's old and I've handled it so much that it probably won't last much longer, but -" she handed the photograph to Claire who took it gingerly and held it like it was the most precious thing in the world. In the photo was a woman, dark blonde curls framing her face in an 80's style haircut, sitting on the edge of a hospital bed in bellbottom jeans and a long-sleeved paisley shirt that fell loose over one shoulder, a white hospital band around her left wrist, cradling a bundled yellow hospital blanket to her chest: an infant Jillian Holtzmann. She had almond-shaped eyes that were make-up free and cobalt blue as a clear summer sky. Holtzmann knew that when she looked in a mirror she could see every inch of herself now in that photo of her mother then; high cheekbones, dimples and a strong chin.

 

Their mother, _Katherine_ was barely smiling in the photograph though, she looked stern, almost sad. Claire studied the woman for what seemed like an hour but really was only about ten minutes. The handwriting on the bottom half of the photo written in worn Sharpie simply stated _Jillian Marie. Jan. 6, 1984._

 

"There's something else here-" Claire squinted, trying to read another message written in blue, faded ink on the backside of the photograph.

 

"It says _I'll come back for you someday, baby girl - Mom,_ " Holtzmann stared ahead at the wall, having read those words over and over so much that they'd been practically ingrained into her cornea. A tear streaked down Claire's cheek and she sniffled it away and shook her head. Holtzmann continued to stare at the wall, refusing to make eye contact but took the proffered picture that Claire handed back to her.

 

"Do you think she's still out there?" Claire spoke so softly that Holtz almost didn't hear it, but she took in her own shuddering breath and looked down at her hands in her lap, willing herself not to cry in front of the younger girl - _her sister_.

 

"No," Holtz finally looked up at Claire, who looked back on slightly tearful. "I won't lie to you, Claire - I think that our mother,  _if_ she was still out there, she would have made herself known by now and even if she is-" Holtz took a steadying breath. " _I_ don't need her to have a family, I have that with the Ghostbusters and now with you," Claire sniffled and Holtz smiled, reaching out as the teen pushed forward and embraced the scientist tightly, wiping her nose into Holtz' sleeve. "Yuck!" they laughed and Holtz swatted at Claire, who retaliated with a pillow against the side of Holtz' face.

* * *

Erin was exhausted. She'd barely had time to brush her hair after her shower before she succumbed to sleep. She wasn't sure what time it was or even _where_ she was when she was pulled from her slumber by a dip in the mattress behind her. The room was dark though and so her body relaxed, the glow of a streetlamp outside of the window a foot from her reminding her where she was and settled back down before two ice-cold feet pressed to the back of her calves, immediately causing her to yelp loudly and shrink back from the intruder. 

 

She immediately whirled on the target, ready to face her attacker with a fist when she heard the telltale signs of snickering and her body sagged half in exhaustion, half in relief but her anger flared at the mischievous glint of her friends blue eyes grinning back at her.

 

" _Holtzmann_ , what the Hell?" she whisper-yelled at the playful blonde who'd slid into the bed. 

 

"It was too easy, I'm sorry-" Erin rolled her eyes and smacked Holtz maybe a little harder than necessary, on the chest and fell back into her pillow with a growl. Holtz still shook with laughter even as she rubbed the spot on her chest where Erin had hit her.

 

"Damn, Gilbert, remind me to build you your own Ghost-puncher when we get back, you'd kick ass with it," the engineer snickered.

 

"Holtz, I'm sleeping so unless you want me to drive us into a ditch on the way home tomorrow, I'd let me go back to it," Erin grumbled, not at all pleased with the jokester at the moment. Erin didn't handle sleep deprivation well, a side-effect really of the year in which she barely got any sleep during Mrs. DeMille's haunting phase, Erin treasured sleep and did not take kindly to being woken when there was no emergency.

 

"I was going to just sleep in Claire's room but she snores light a freight train," Holtz shuffled, getting herself comfortable behind Erin as the redhead turned back on her side, facing away from Holtz with a snicker.

 

"Holtz, _you_ snore, too," Erin couldn't help the quip as she tried to settle back into her pillow. 

 

"I have a deviated septum from breaking my nose as a teenager, I can't help it!" Holtz poked Erin's side, unknowing that the scientist was very  _very_ ticklish and sent the redhead shrinking away from the engineer with another yelp. "Oh, what is _this?_ "

 

" _Holtz_! I. Am. Sleeping!" Erin growled, dangerously. But Holtz refused to let it go, she reached over under the blanket and grabbed at Erin's ribs, causing the elder woman to shriek. Holtz cackled maniacally as Erin fought to stay on the bed and scoot further from the engineer who didn't seem to care that it was stupid-thirty in the morning and that the rest of the house was still asleep.

 

"How did I not know that you were ticklish, Ms. Gilbert?" Holtz chuckled, grasping any part of Erin she could reach as Erin swatted and kicked away, trying to stop the onslaught.

 

"That's _Dr._ Gilbert and knock it **off** , Holtzmann!" Erin tried to sound serious but she was laughing from the attack, gasping for air between words, tears streaking the sides of her face against her will. She mercilessly fended off as hard as she could but it was no use until she accidentally threw her palm up just right and the sick sound of a  _CRACK_ sounded as well as a painful yelp from Holtzmann and Erin sat up immediately, very much awake and could see in the faint light of the streetlight the blood trickling out from behind Holtz' hand where she held her nose.

 

" _Shit,_ Holtz! I'm so sorry!" Erin reached over to the night stand and turned on the lamp. The light flooded the room in a soft glow and Holtz' eyes squeezed shut again against the sudden light and tears fell from her eyes, she shook her head.

 

"Not a problem, just -" Holtz gasped as she tried to not bleed over Erin, straddling the older woman. Erin reached and gently grasped Holtz' wrist. 

 

"Let's go get you cleaned up, c'mon," Erin helped Holtz get to the restroom across the hall. The light was so much brighter in this room and Holtz' eyes being sensitive to white light, slammed shut and she relied on Erin to help her sit on the edge of the tub as Erin ransacked the sink cabinet for a First Aid Kit. "Aha!" she turned with a fully stocked kit in hand and grabbed some toilet tissue to wipe at Holtz' face.

 

"You have to move your hands, Holtz," she tutted as Holtz blinked in the harsh bathroom light and let her hands fall to her sides, Erin turned the tap on behind her and Holtz reached over to clean the blood from her hands while Erin put on a glove and removed some gauze from it's packaging to dab and clean Holtz' face. She eventually cleared Holtz' face of the dried blood and she winced with Holtz every time she noticed her wince. "I'm so sorry."

 

"Don't sweat it," Holtz tried to smirk but it fell as that facial movement caused her to wince as well, her nose was beginning to swell and bruise. "I should've listened to you."

 

"Yes, yes you should have," Erin shook her head, grimacing as she finished cleaning the area and tried not to cry at her friend's pain. She had no reason to feel guilty, she knew that, but somehow seeing Holtzmann in pain still hurt her.

 

"Erin, I'm fine, like I said, I've broken my nose before, I've broken a lot worse, too," Holtz tried to laugh it off but Erin didn't laugh and when Holtz' hand cradled her cheek, the blonde stopped smiling, too. "Don't cry, please?" Erin hadn't realized she was crying until Holtzmann was wiping the tears from her face.

 

"Maybe if you weren't so reckless all the damn time," Erin snapped. Holtz froze and Erin shook her head and sniffed, pulling away from Holtzmann's touch and wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm _really_ tired and -" Holtz stood pausing Erin's rambles, Holtz would not meet her eyes.

 

"Sleep well, Erin," Holtz muttered and promptly left the bathroom, heading not back to their room, but downstairs. Erin stayed crouched down for another moment, confused before putting the kit back under the sink, shutting off the light and pausing outside of the door. She looked down the dark hall that led downstairs where she knew Holtz had gone and wondered if she should go after her, but the scientist had already bid her a goodnight and if she were being honest, she didn't really trust herself when still tired and slightly cranky, she shook her head and sighed sadly. 

 

"Goodnight, Holtzmann," Erin entered the empty guest room that felt a little colder than it had before and settled back into the covers, hoping that sleep would find her quickly.

-GB-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was all freeform: I wrote it right before posting so any and all mistakes are my own! There will be one more chapter since this was a surprise, so stay tuned!
> 
> Once again, thanks again to everyone who has reviewed and left kudos, you guys are honestly the best. I'm happy that my work is appreciated and I do hope you'll be happy with where it goes.


	7. I'll Love You Long After You're Gone, Gone, Gone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which two smart people stop being so incredibly daft.

Despite the late night and even less amount of sleep, Erin was awake with the sun. It didn't help that the sun was literally coming through the window and streaming right into her eyes as she blinked them open from a hard sleep. She didn't remember falling back to sleep, to be honest she just remembered the tickle-fight that Holtz had started and then she was cleaning Holtzmann's face before she called her reckless and then Holtz left her in the bathroom alone and confused. She had crawled into bed and now it was morning and with the morning she knew that the two had a long ride ahead of them to get back to Headquarters and hopefully she'd find the words to apologize, but she really had no idea what it was she'd said that could have upset the blonde so much. She'd texted Abby yesterday that they'd try to be back before dinner and Abby had told her to take their time getting back, that she and Patty had been less than busy with a lack of calls and had just been hanging around the Firehouse making list after list of things they needed to request from the Mayor's office. She'd considered asking Abby, but she didn't want to include the details of how the broken nose situation happened in the first place, so she stopped overthinking.

 

Turning over onto her back, she stretched her limbs out and paused mid-stretch when her legs, or rather her _feet_  came across something solid at the end of the mattress. She lifted her head from her pillow to glance down and noticed Holtzmann fast asleep at the foot of the bed, curled into a ball near Erin's feet, hair completely free from it's usual up-do and fanned out wildly around and into her face, soft breaths escaping her parted lips that blew errand curls from her face every moment. Erin sat up and studied the purpling around both of the scientists' eyes, the swelling around her nose had at least gone down, yet just looking at the injury made Erin wince. She leaned forward and brushed the soft curls from Holtzmann's eyes and behind her ear, the touch gentle, but enough to wake the sleeping blonde. Bleary cobalt eyes blinked awake and Erin froze, fingertips still in Holtzmann's hair as the lips of the engineer tilted in a gentle smile.

 

"G'morn'n-" Holtz mumbled sleepily, blinking again to clear the sleep from her eyes and leaned into Erin's touch, pressing a kiss into her palm. Erin did her best to not snatch her hand away as tingles spread up her arm and she retreated to the head of the bed slowly, so as to not startle the other woman. Holtzmann was obviously still a little out of it, even as she pushed herself up on her elbow, murmuring unintelligibly under her breath. She pushed her arms forward and planted her head into Erin's lap, careful to not bump her nose against anything and settled back in. Erin felt her breath catch in her chest at the intimacy of the situation.

 

"Holtz-" Erin wanted to explain, apologize at the very least for having upset the blonde. But Holtzmann just raised a finger to try and press against Erin's lips, instead it nearly poked her in the eye and she shushed her.

 

"Sleep now," Holtz mumbled, nuzzling Erin's leg. Erin glanced over at the clock and noticed it was just after six AM, but there wasn't any way she'd be able to get back to sleep at this point, she extracted herself from Holtz whom she swore had to have been a Koala in a previous life and laid her down in the pillows where she immediately reached for Erin but settled when Erin put her still-warm pillow into Holtz' arms and Holtz nuzzled it with a gentle smile, careful even in her sleep to not hurt her nose.

 

As soft snores began emitting from the younger woman, Erin got up from the bed and grabbed herself a change of clothes, heading into the guest bathroom to change and brush her teeth. She gathered her things and packed them quietly as Holtz slept on and after having packed her own things, she decided to pack Holtz' as well, leaving out a change of clothes at the end of the bed for her.

 

The smell of coffee wafted to her nose as she descended the stairs and saw Michael standing at the counter filling his own mug, dressed in a pair of work boots, paint-splattered jeans and a sweatshirt. He heard Erin approach and turned with a smile,

 

"Morning! I trust you slept all right?" he asked with an almost knowing smile. Erin blushed, hoping that they hadn't woken him with all of the laughter last night.

 

"I did, thank you," she accepted an empty mug from him that had a cartoon apple with a worm crawling out of it and a ruler around the base; Janine had mentioned she was a pre-school teacher and also taught night classes at the local shelter for troubled teens to help them prepare and take the GED. Michael on the other hand was a jack-of-all trades, he had owned his own carpentry business for about fourteen years but when the recession hit he lost a lot of business and so he began working odd-end jobs to get by, mostly landscaping or painting houses and tuning up things for a few of the elderly around the town who could no longer do it on their own. Erin served herself coffee, black and two sugars, then headed to the table to join Michael who was glancing at the Sports section of the local paper as he sipped his own drink.

 

"You two all right?" Michael asked, not tearing his eyes from the paper as he found an interesting article. Erin drank, clutching the mug with both hands, letting it warm them(she'd always had poor circulation in them growing up).

 

"Of course," she smiled, a little stiffly. Michael nodded.

 

"Right on, then," he turned the page on the paper and glanced up at Erin, taking another healthy swallow from his mug. "I saw Jillian when I woke this morning." Erin blanched. "She was tossing on the couch, it may be comfy to sit - but to sleep? So I sent her back to your room-"

 

"It was an accident.. I'd never hit Jillian - not on purpose," Michael let out a bark of laughter as Erin felt herself panic at how the bruise encompassing her friends' face must have made her look. 

 

"Oh, heavens, there's nothing to be sorry about! My wife has hit me in the face quite a bit while we sleep-" Erin said nothing to correct him. "She has some really bony elbows and one time she actually blackened the same eye twice in a few nights!" he laughed. "I figured she was probably just worried about you whacking her again!" Erin exhaled, sagging back into her chair as Michael continued to read the paper with a chuckle.

 

"Either way, I have a job out of the area this morning so I won't be here to see you off, but just know you both are always welcome here," Michael said, folding up the paper as Erin nodded with a grateful smile. "Maybe next time the whole lot of you could come up here, have a nice dinner - you haven't had real barbecue until you've had mine!"

 

"I'm sure we'd love to," Erin agreed. Footsteps coming down the stairs behind her alerted her that they were no longer alone as Michael nodded up at his wife, coming down the stairs, fully dressed for the day in a pair of comfortable jeans and a emerald knit sweater.

 

"Morning, dear," she smiled, kissing her husband on the cheek, she patted Erin's shoulder.

 

"I'm off to the Johnson's," Michael told her as Janine headed to the counter to pull down her own mug and started a kettle.

 

"Oh, please don't forget to grab that package in the deep freezer, Paul's been asking when he was going to see you about that Halibut," Janine reminded Michael as he was stepping out of the door. He waved his hand in acknowledgement and Janine shook her head with a knowing smile as the door closed behind him before she turned to Erin.

 

"Would you like some eggs? I always fancy them on Sunday morning myself," Janine asked, reaching to grab a container of eggs from the fridge. 

 

"Sure, I need to go check on Holtzmann though," Erin stated, finishing her coffee. "I know she likes her eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar and tomato, but it's okay if you don't have any-" Janine shook her head.

 

"Oh, we have everything in this house, dear, I have a garden out back, I usually put mushrooms and fresh spinach in with mine, but Claire likes tomato in her eggs, too, how about you?" Janine smiled.

 

"Oh, I'll take mine the same as yours then, I love spinach," Janine nodded and Erin headed back upstairs just as Holtz was closing the door to their room, fully dressed with her duffel slung around her shoulder and Erin's bag in her opposite hand, she had her glasses perched delicately on her nose, the yellow lenses almost did a fantastic job of hiding the bruising under her eyes. She caught Erin's eyes and smiled shyly.

 

"I smelled food?" Holtz asked and Erin swallowed the lump that she was certain was her heart, down and nodded.

 

"Y-yes, I was just coming to get you-" Holtz shrugged.

 

"Beat ya to it, I guess," Erin nodded.

 

"Yeah..." she cleared her throat, wondering why their interaction felt so -  _stiff_. 

 

"I'm just gonna take these to the car-"

 

"Right, I'll uhm - I guess I mean, I can help -" Holtz shook her head with a smile.

 

"Not to worry, Gilbert, I got this," Holtz flashed her a cocky grin and flexed her arm that wasn't holding Erin's bag and Erin let out a laugh that sounded almost like a cough as she rolled her eyes and just like that, the tension from before disappeared. 

 

"Whatever you say, Holtz," she turned to head back downstairs, but paused, turning back and Holtz nearly slammed into her, not expecting the move.

 

"Whoa!" Holtz dropped Erin's bag as she reached to stop Erin from falling backwards down the stairwell and grasped her hips, pulling their fronts together. "Easy there, gunner, y'don't wanna show back up to the station all banged up like me, Patty and Abby'll never leave us on our own again," she snickered. Erin however, couldn't help but be mesmerized by just how blue Holtz' eyes were, even behind the amber lenses of her glasses. Having forgotten initially why she'd stopped in the first place, she reached up and Holtz did not stop her from removing the glasses from her face. She blinked once.. twice.. registering the natural light in the hall, but otherwise her eyes locked back on Erin's own sea-blue eyes and Erin felt her heart hammering in her chest as she took in the slight purple and yellow skin beneath Holtzmann's eyes around her nose that still looked painful.

 

Tears stung behind her eyes as she brought her fingertips up and gently touched Holtz' face, just beneath her right eye. Holtz looked like she was about to say something when a throat cleared and the two women jumped back nearly a foot from the other, heads whipping over to see a smirking Claire behind them.

 

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," Claire's mirthful smile told Erin that she probably wasn't though, but Holtzmann smiled back at the blonde and threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a headlock, noogie-ing the younger girl's already unkempt hair.

 

"Dontcha know that sneaking up on people is rude?" Holtz laughed. The younger blonde yelped, trying to escape the attack from her big sister.

 

"Ow! Ow! Okay, I'm _sorry_! Uncle! Mercy! Crabapples!" Erin couldn't help but fight the smile that took over as Holtz slowly, but surely released Claire from the hold and Claire swatted at Holtzmann's arm before seeing her face. "Holy shit, what happened to your face?" shock registered on both women's faces at hearing the swear and like any mother could, Janine's " _Language,_ Claire Elise!" was thrown up from the kitchen.

 

The three laughed and Holtz re-shouldered her duffel, grabbing Erin's bag and smiling at Erin as she passed. Erin handed her her glasses back and she headed down to take their bags to the car, Claire following, still in pajamas and Erin trailed behind them and stopped in the kitchen where Claire reached for the orange juice in the fridge and Janine had started cracking eggs over a hot cast iron skillet.

* * *

 

Breakfast was a lot less cheerful as Claire was mostly still trying to wake up as she ate her eggs, Holtz tapped out text message after text message to Patty and Abby about the weekend since Patty had been impatient with Erin's lack of details in her own texts and Janine just glanced between Holtz and Erin, smiling kindly at Erin whenever she'd glance up and catch her.

 

Claire had become a little more emotional after getting dressed and preparing to see Holtz and Erin off, Janine had packed them both a hearty lunch and Claire tried not to cry as she bid them farewell.

 

"Hey, you're gonna be only a few minutes from us when you start at NYU in the Fall. Chin up, kiddo!" Holtz smiled, holding Claire tight but Erin could see the traces of tears in the corner of Holtz' eyes, too and turned to give them a bit more privacy as she spoke with Janine.

 

"Jillian's a good girl, you both are," Janine clarified, reaching over to hug Erin tightly. "You take care of each other." Erin nodded into Janine's shoulder, feeling herself choke up a little, she never did like saying goodbye.

 

"You're all welcome to come visit us as well, I'm pretty sure that Holtzmann is already planning to build a spare room for you guys at the firehouse-"

 

"That's an affirmative!" Holtz called over Erin's shoulder and Janine shared a laugh with them.

 

"But really, thank you for letting us stay, it was very kind," Erin smiled.

 

"Anytime. You're family after all," at this Erin finally felt the dam break and a tear escaped. _Family_ , the concept was not as foreign as it should be to Erin, but thinking of how this woman and her husband and their child -  _Holtzmann's sister_ \- had welcomed them, believed them when they spoke of the Ghostbusters and the Rowan Incident, just opened their home and their hearts so willingly - Janine clucked her tongue and pulled the physicist back in for another hug and rubbed her back. "There there, I didn't mean to make you cry, honey!"

 

"N-No, i-it's not - I'm j-just-" Janine shushed her and soon Erin felt a warmth at her back and on her side as Claire and Holtzmann both joined Janine in hugging the now sobbing physicist and Claire cried just as hard into Erin's shoulder, Holtz who'd wrapped around Erin from behind, nuzzled Erin's hair and pressed a gentle kiss to the base of her neck and Erin, too upset to really do anything but accept the kindness, said nothing but melted into Holtzmann's embrace.

 

About a half-hour later, all cried out, Holtzmann and Erin got into the Scion and pulled out of the drive, Claire and Janine waving as well as their tabby cat until they rounded the corner and were no longer in sight. The ride was quiet for the first hour or so, Holtzmann didn't mess with the radio and static just barely came in over the speakers as they sailed down the highway, Erin's eyes on the road ahead and Holtz' up in the clouds.

 

They stopped to get gas once and use the restroom, forgoing buying any snacks as some of the ones that Holtz had not opened were still edible. Holtz began snacking on Pringles and about halfway through the can Erin finally cracked and asked for one. Holtz grinned slyly and offered her the can.

 

"I told you one day you'd say yes to these salty parabolas," she cheered as Erin took the first bite and rolled her eyes, but smiled around the chip as she ate one, then another and then the can was devoured and Erin felt a little nauseous from all the salt, but happy to see Holtz once again playing with the radio, humming along to song after song. Just beyond Utica however, a drum solo that even Erin had recognized came through the station, followed clearly by the sound of an electric piano and Holtzmann gasped.

 

"No freaking way! This is my JAM!" she turned it up and she began twisting in her seat with excitement as the lyrics from the old Starship song began...

 

_Lookin' in your eyes_  
_I see a paradise_  
_This world that I found_  
_Is too good to be true_

_Standin' here beside you_  
Want so much to give you  
This love in my heart  
That I'm feelin' for you...

 

Erin looked over to Holtz as she sang into her phone as though it was her own personal mic. She held it out to Erin as the female solo started but Erin did not sing, only shaking her head in refusal, Holtz pouted and began singing it for her.

 

_I'm so glad I found you_  
_I'm not gonna lose you_  
_Whatever it takes  
_ _I will stay here with you..._

 

Erin kept her eyes trained on the road, scowling at Holtz' antics that practically bounced the entire car.

 

"Ok, Holtz, I get it-" Holtz interrupted her with the next verse and Erin narrowed her eyes.

 

  
_Take it to the good times_  
_See it through the bad times_  
_Whatever it takes_  
_Is what I'm gonna do..._

 

Erin glanced over to Holtz' pleading eyes and quirky smile and rolled her eyes, taking in a deep breath,  _Oh, what the Hell_ -

 

 _Let 'em say we're crazy_ **(Holtz clapped giddily at Erin finally joining in)** __  
What do they know?  
Put your arms around me  
Baby, don't ever let go!  
  
Let the world around us  
Just fall apart  
Baby, we can make it   
If we're heart to heart...

 

Erin laughed as Holtz joined in on the chorus.

 

_And we can build this dream together_  
Standing strong forever  
Nothing's gonna stop us now  
  
And if this world runs out of lovers  
We'll still have each other  
Nothing's gonna stop us  
Nothing's gonna stop us...  
  
Ooh, all that I need is you **(Holtz pointed at Erin with the cheesiest grin and Erin fought to keep it together)** __  
All that I ever need **(Erin pretended to wail this line like the singer into her steering wheel, eyes shut briefly for effect)** __  
And all that I want to do  
Is hold you forever **(They both turned to each other, excitedly shout-singing the lines at each other)** _  
_ _ever and ever, hey!_

 

Holtz kicked her foot up in the air, just barely managing to miss the windshield and startling Erin out of her singing to shake her head at Holtz' antics, then her eyes went wide as she realized in their fun, she'd drifted into the opposite lane, a trucker headed right for them - " _HOLTZ!_ "

 

Erin swerved hard to the right, sending them nearly careening off of the freeway, screaming as Holtzmann reached for Erin.

 

" _Whoa!_ "

 

A loud pop sounded as they felt the right back tire deflate and Erin struggled to maintain the wheel as they swerved dangerously close to the edge before finally slamming on the brakes on the side of the road, several cars passing by them, honking in anger, but Erin couldn't bring herself to care as her chest heaved in panic, tears filling her eyes.

 

"Erin!" her vision tunneled and she felt like she was underwater. Both of her feet were still pressed heavily into the brake pedal and somewhere in her head she could hear someone yelling at her. 

 

Hands grabbed for her face and she swatted them away, trying to breathe, her brain struggling to catch up with her heart that beat like a hummingbirds wings, her chest tight with panic. Where was she? What day was it?

 

 _Singing_...("Erin!")

 

_Holtzmann..._

 

_Truck..._

 

 _Wrong Lane..._ ("Erin! Look at me, Erin.")

 

 _Holtzmann..._ Hands grabbed her face turning it toward a frightened Holtzmann and Erin's vision spotted but began to clear.

 

"Erin, are you hurt? Look at me, sweetheart, breathe with me, come back to me, baby... c'mon, come back to me," Holtzmann unbuckled Erin's seatbelt and pulled her as close as she could over the console, face still in the engineers surprisingly gentle hands, Holtzmann pressed her forehead to Erin's who breathed in a little deeper, smelling the familiar spicy scent that was Holtz, speaking at Erin, thumbs stroking her tear-stained cheeks.

 

Erin was shaking so hard and so her arms came up and gripped Holtzmann's shoulders like they were a life raft. She was drowning and Holtzmann was her safe harbor, Erin's eyes screwed shut as tears continued leaking from them and she felt a soft pair of lips press to her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her chin, a voice, husky yet gentle shushing her gently.

 

"It's fine, you're fine, we're both okay, Erin. _You're okay_ , shh," Holtzmann continued to wipe away her tears until Erin's eyes found the strength to open, she had to blink a few times before the tears finally dispersed enough to be able to see beyond the shapes of yellow that turned out to be Holtzmann in front of her, eyes rimmed red with fright and her shoulders tense until she realizes Erin was looking at her and they sag with relief and her lips quirk with a gentle smile.

 

"Hey you," Holtzmann smiled tearfully at the redhead. Erin couldn't understand what was happening and if you asked her later what she had been thinking she'd have absolutely no explanation because she wasn't thinking clearly, she was just  _feeling_ and so Erin felt Holtz' lips against her own, soft and pliant and warm and she  _felt_ Holtz' hands reach further and tangle into her hair, she felt herself melt into Holtz' arms as teeth gently nipped and pulled at her bottom lip, her own teeth sinking into Holtz' tongue gently as the welcome muscle probed her mouth and she felt a moan rumble through her chest as she shared air with the scientist who tasted like potato chips and chocolate and she felt herself jump backward in shock as the sound of knuckles rapping against the glass of her door window startled her and Holtzmann apart.

 

The distinct flashes of blue and red behind their car alerted them to the Officer who was trying to get their attention. Erin, still shaken sat forward in her seat but Holtzmann took the reins and lowered the power window to greet the officer, a little less shaken.

 

"You ladies all right? We got a call that there was a car on the side of the road that may have had a blowout-" Holtzmann answered the police officer with an affirmative and stepped out of the vehicle from her side, leaving Erin behind the wheel to try and gather her wits about her as the Officer and Holtzmann inspected the rear of the vehicle where there was a spare tire and the Trooper set to work helping her get the car jacked with his own power jack so Holtzmann could change the tire that had practically been ripped apart by the road when they had swerved and braked at the speed they did.

 

Erin did not get out to help, but did wind up moving from the drivers seat to the passenger side when Holtz finished thanking the Officer for his help. He wished them both well and told them to drive safely and Holtz, noticing Erin having moved, climbed in behind the wheel and said nothing as she started the engine, only briefly checking to see if Erin was all right but the redhead did not meet her eye, she simply looked onward toward the open road and so Holtz turned the radio on at a decent volume and shot out a quick text to Abby and Patty to let them know they were running a bit behind before putting the car in Drive and heading back home.

* * *

 

"There you two are!" Patty greeted them both as they parked outside the Firehouse that evening. Erin was too tired to bother taking the car back to the Enterprise and Holtzmann was pretty sure they were closed anyway. "Abby was gonna make something for dinner but we got a call last minute and just got back maybe fifteen minutes ago so we're just gonna order in some pizza, that cool?"

 

"Totally! No veggies on mine this time though!" Holtzmann smirked, saluting Patty as she dropped her and Erin's bags inside the foyer. Erin grabbed her bag however and shook her head.

 

"I'm tired, I think I just want to go to bed, thanks," Patty's smile fell as well as Holtzmann's as she passed them quietly and headed toward the stairs where Abby was coming down to greet them, still in her overalls.

 

"Hey, Gilbert! You're back! Man, you won't believe the ghost we just caught and - hey! Erin? Where you going?" Abby called as Erin passed her friend without a glance and continued her way upstairs. Patty and Abby both locked their gazes on Holtzmann whose poker face said nothing as she shrugged.

 

"It was a long drive," she headed upstairs herself, internally in turmoil as she tried to figure out how to best approach Erin about what had happened earlier. The entire ride home had been spent in an uncomfortable silence and she wasn't sure whether it was from Erin's panic over the near wreck or over the kiss or a combination of both. Holtz shouldn't have let it go as far as it had and she berated herself over and over again while she unpacked, trying to think how to fix things between them.

 

Holtzmann wasn't good at relationships, she'd never even been in one before. One night stands? Absolutely. Even the occasional affair, until she found out that the woman was married and then Holtz changed her number and drowned herself in booze until she could forget it ever happened. She never wanted to be the "other" girl, but if she really thought about it, her love life was much like her family life, only having been useful to those who needed her for something until she wasn't useful any longer, but Erin- Holtz blinked.

 

 _If Erin thought that you were a mistake..._ she couldn't bear the thought. She had known for a while that her feelings for the physicist went much deeper than friendship and she'd kept a pretty good handle on it, or so she'd thought. Abby was of course, aware of her feelings having known both her and Erin longer than the three of them combined and Patty had even joked around once when she caught Holtz staring, but Erin had been none too wise and so when she kissed her earlier Holtzmann couldn't do anything but return the kiss, ignoring the giant red flag and glaring alarms in her head telling her that Erin was in no state of being able to understand what she was doing. But she'd dreamt for so long of what the redhead would feel like in her arms and now that she'd had a taste, she wasn't sure if she could ever look back.

 

Holtz pulled her shoulders back, resolving to go and talk this out like adults with Erin. Even if the scientist rebuked her, Holtz couldn't stand the thought of being the reason Erin distancing herself from the Ghostbusters. She exited the room and was grateful that Patty and Abby seemed to still be downstairs and knocked on Erin's door, she heard nothing.

 

"Erin, can we talk?" she knocked again. "It's important." No response. She waited another moment before knocking again. "Please, Erin-"

 

"Erin's on the roof, Holtzy," Holtzmann jumped, startled by the sound of Patty's voice as she and Abby ascended the stairs. Abby shook her head at something on her phone and Patty just stood there, hands on her hips, staring at Holtzmann like she'd just asked her to answer what is 2 + 2?

 

"Wha-?"

 

"Erin... She headed upstairs to the roof a short time ago, heard the door to the roof close, which she may not have meant to do because now she has to get let back in, you really need to fix that lock - _hey!_ " Patty balked as Holtzmann slapped a fat kiss on Patty's cheek before heading toward the spiral metal staircase that led to the roof. 

 

"Thanks, Patty-cake!" Holtz grinned as she heard Patty shout after her about boundaries. She opened the door and pulled the brick that she'd found in a dumpster to prop the door open so they both wouldn't get locked up here. It was still too cold for being outside on a roof in New York City. She immediately looked over and saw Erin sitting on the ledge of the roof, looking out over the city that was beginning to light up as twilight reached the sky. Her soft red hair blew out behind her in the crisp wintry wind, she had on the sweater from earlier and a light jacket, but Holtz could see even from here that she was shivering.

 

"I thought you hated heights," Holtzmann approached Erin with a soft inquiry, not wanting to startle the woman who could easily jump a little too forward and plummet three stories. Thinking about it, Holtz really needed to install some netting around the third story windows. Erin said nothing, still staring ahead and Holtz took the silence as invitation to sit up on the ledge with her but she kept at least an arms length of distance between them. Once settled, she looked over and her heart hurt at the sight of dried tears streaking the older woman's face. "Er-"

 

"Can you just - " Erin's voice hitched. Eyes closing she tucked her chin into her sweater. "Please, Holtz... I know I screwed up - but I don't think I can take you being angry at me right now." Holtz' eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  _Wait, what?_

 

"Wait, what?" she echoed her brain's thoughts. Erin blinked, a fresh wave of tears seeming to come to life behind ocean-blue eyes. "Erin... I'm not _mad_ at you..." Erin's resolve broke and her knees came forward and Holtz couldn't help that she leapt forward to pull the older woman into her arms, afraid that she may fall, Erin thankfully did not push her away, but instead just sagged into her arms, heavy and sobbing brokenly.

 

"I nearly killed us both... and then - then I  - _God_ Holtz, I just-" Holtz shushed her, rocking the woman in her arms, holding her as close as she could. She opened her mouth to interrupt before Erin continued to rant. "I'm _so_ sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you, I lo-love you so much and I-I just can't _stand_ the thought of losing you - I wasn't thinking and I - _please_ , please don't hate me... I can't - I can't..." she hiccoughed into Holtz's chest, clutching at her. Holtz had frozen her ministrations, one hand on Erin's back, one in soft red locks, wondering if she needed to get her hearing checked again.

 

"Erin," Holtzmann silently pleaded, holding the broken woman close. "Erin, look at me, please." Erin shook her head, her heart breaking, she knew where this was headed. Holtzmann was going to let her down gently and she just couldn't -

 

Hands touched her face and caressed the tears away, Erin wasn't sure how much more her heart could break but she's certain that this was one that she wasn't going to be able to just bounce back from. Her face was gently lifted and Erin's eyes slammed shut but then a shuddering breath and warm, soft kisses were pressed to her face.

 

Her forehead. Her brow. Her temple. Erin sniffled, eyes opening a fraction as Holtz pecked her nose, then below her left eye, then her right. Eyes opened and lips met, caressing Erin's like she was afraid to break her. Holtzmann broke the kiss after a simple touch of lips and met Erin's wide eyes.

 

"I-" Erin didn't let her finish. She tightened her hold on Holtzmann's shirt and yanked her forward, kissing her again. And again. And again. Until the two were breathless, hearts banging rapidly inside of their ribcages. Holtzmann pressed her forehead to Erin's, running a hand through Erin's hair, one still left cradling Erin's cheek. Both women breathed heavily, Holtz caught a whiff of peppermint toothpaste and something uniquely Erin as she smiled, a tear actually falling from her own eyes this time. 

 

"I could never hate you, Erin," Holtzmann breathed, thumb brushing Erin's cheek. Opening her eyes she met two dark blue eyes, like sapphires, glinting in the city lights below. "I love you, _all_ of you, even sweet Kev," she smirked and Erin snorted, less than graceful. "But I love you most of all, I've been driving myself crazy trying to get over you these past few months - but I can't and I don't think I even want to anymore." Erin glowed with happiness and embraced the younger woman, holding her close.

 

"You're a part of my family now, Gilbert, whether you want to be or not, sorry, not sorry," Holtz grinned cheekily as Erin shook with concealed laughter before pulling her head up to meet Holtz' eyes.

 

"Shut up and kiss me, Holtzmann," Erin said, eyes trained on the engineer's smirk.

 

"Yes, ma'am," Holtz winked and leaned in, kissing her until they could no longer feel the cold air around them. All was well.

-Fin-

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for reading, reviewing and leaving kudos to this story. It has been a fun journey to share. I've been out of touch with my muse for a very long time so I'm glad to have found it again with this fandom. I'd love to hear if you guys have any thoughts of other stories I could probably write for these two nerds. 
> 
> Find me on Twitter or tumblr at @ljthebard and come say Hi! :)


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